Self-doubt can go fuck itself: Looking all fear in the face

Organically round

Pulling clothes off
Baring body
Fat pockets protruding

Interesting curves
Attractive lips
Daring to love me

Daring to touch the ugliest parts of me
See the shame, lick it up like melted ice cream
Buckets of hot foam disturbingly sweet
Bitter fruit blooming organically round

Palms sweat out pools on thighs
Breaking head open, pouring out the pounding
Cut deep into exposed chest, a preemptive bypass surgery

Pull ribs apart and allow heart to fly out like a humming bird
Buzzing, hovering, swooping,
Diving into all colors

Flower after flower sucking sweetly with phallic beak
Breaking into sunshine sonnets
Allowing myself to be self, embrace abnormities, sickness, potential, love

Not for a wine bar dialogue, not so I can feel clever, special, wanted
Not for a photo-op with fascinating folks, cleverly drawn cardboard cutout mustaches
perched on smooching lips

But for the humming bird, who, when trapped, flutters down to my stomach and creates pulsating rings of nausea
Then up behind my ears through my sinuses to my eyes, instigating tension, sets fires to                 be set free.

Prison cell ribs that stand as the physical manifestation of self-doubt
Like slavery
Cast out of so much fear

Palms sweat pools on thighs
Break skull open, pour out pounding
Exposed chest, cut deep

Retch ribs to the side
allow heart to fly out, a humming bird
Buzzing, hovering, swooping,
Diving into so much color

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About detangledprosereview

I am a HUMAN RIGHTS advocate with a knack for inter-contextually. I am a STORYTELLER, a ceramists, a pan-art lover, a feminist, and a humanist.
This entry was posted in Creative Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Poetry, San Diego. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Self-doubt can go fuck itself: Looking all fear in the face

  1. I like how you paint your picture. Good stuff!

  2. This imagery is arresting. Love the title. “Breaking head open, pour out the pounding”-favorite line.

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